welcome home: part two.

[girlwithout]

 

She’s sitting across from him in a diner. She’s sitting right here, and he bought her an omelet and coffee and there’s music playing on the radio, and he’s right here but she doesn’t know what to say. What does she say? Hey, Steve, I missed you so much. By the way, my name is Rikki, nice to meet you? Just as she’s starting to consider whether or not just standing up and bolting would make too bad of an impression, he leans forward to get her attention away from her internal panic and back onto him. “Rikki, are you going to be all right?”

“No. I mean…” God, why is this so hard? This isn’t even the first time she’s met a Steve Rogers who didn’t really know her, she should have this down pat. She thinks about lying, saying that she’s fine, but there’s no way she can even pretend. “No! This is completely freaking me out! I mean…” She stabs a fork viciously into some totally innocent and delicious fluffy eggs that really don’t deserve the kind of brutality she’s showing them. “I’ve known you were back from the, y’know, or whatever that whole thing was, but I didn’t, I guess, I didn’t know if I wanted to – I know this sounds so terrible, but – “

She swallows. “I wanted to see you, but I didn’t. See, my brother, he was, y’know, he was – “

“Rikki.” Steve cuts her off gently, like he used to when she’d get stuck in some kind of weird thought spiral, and god, she missed this so much it hurts. “I know about John. We have files on all of it. And I’m so very sorry.”

After he gives her a moment to breathe and let that sink in, he continues. “What does your brother’s death have to do with me?”

She looks down and fiddles with her cup so she doesn’t have to look him in the eye. “Well, I – my being here, it changed him, Steve. He was so sweet and kind, and then I came along, and he turned into this radical wreck and – “

“You cursed him.”

“I did?” She doesn’t know why it hurts so much to hear him say that. It’s what she already kind of knew, right? “I did, didn’t I?”

“Rikki.” And there it is, that slightly exasperated sound he got whenever he thought she was being too ridiculous or immature or whatever. “I’m saying that that’s what you’re saying. You believe that interactions with loved ones from your reality somehow hurts them in this one.”

“Yeah.” She picks at the edge of her sweatshirt sleeve. “I mean, yeah, obviously. See, and I don’t even have to interact. I wasn’t even here that long and look what happened to you – “

Steve sighs and reaches forward to place his hands over hers. “You can’t place all that weight on your shoulders. Bad things happen. Good things, too. This world’s no different from yours.”

She can’t help the little bitter tone that creeps into her voice. “How would you – Oh, right. Black Widow told me you have files on my reality.“

“Rikki…” There’s a little grin on his face, like he has a really good secret he’s about to share. “How do you think we obtained that intelligence?”

Rikki shrugs. “I don’t know. I just assumed you have some kind of tech – or whatever, or… Why – why are you looking at me like that? Is something funny?”

“I’m not laughing at you, Rikki. Not at all.” The grin on his face gets bigger, and she is so, so lost. “It’s only that I’d forgotten how crazy you could tend to make yourself.”

“What?”

No.

No, he can’t mean what she thinks he means. “Are you… are you saying…?”

“I’m from this world. For a time, though, I didn’t know that. For a time, I was somewhere else… where I saved a plucky young girl from the Red Skull and trained her to become my loyal and trusted partner. My memories of that time have largely faded, but I remember fully well that I was that Steve Rogers. The one you knew.” He’s not, he’s not, he’s not – That grin finally widens into the full Steve Rogers smile, and it’s directed full-force at her. “Hello, Rikki Barnes. It’s good to – “

“Get up. Get up right now.”

He immediately backs away, holding his hands up to respect the space he thinks she needs. “Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would be so – “

 

 “Oh my god, Steve, you don’t know how hard it’s been for me here, how much I missed everyone, and I knew I’d never find anyone I used to know and I destroyed John and I lost you over there and then I lost you here…”

It’s all she can do to hold onto him and not get his shirt all snotty while she sobs, and if there is anything that feels better than Steve Rogers hugging you like everything’s going to be okay, then she’s not sure what it is. “I know, Rikki. I know. That’s why I’m here.” He pets her hair gently as he speaks. “It’s finally time for you to have a normal life again. Time for you to stand down.” He tucks her head under his chin, keeping her safe under him. ”You don’t have to be Nomad anymore.”